Racism in Wisconsin

As we discuss the racist rant on Folkbum’s site, I reflect on my experience with racism, or I should say, with not seeing racism. I am the Boots and Kittens blogger. Follow my logic.

I’m a child of Texans, but I spent my adolescence in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.  As a white Christian in an Arab Muslim nation, I generally felt accepted as long as we kept to our own kind, so to speak.  There were certainly places for foreigners and places where we didn’t belong.  But generally, we spent a lot of time in the homes of Muslim Arab families playing with other kids and I never felt unwelcome.  Sure, there was hired help in everyone's home, but it was my impression that they were well-treated and quite happy in their place in life. My deep impression is of welcoming, gracious people, but then again, I was always conscious that I was the visitor in their culture, even though I was whiter than them.

After all, slavery was banned in Saudi Arabia in 1962. That was at least fifteen years before I was there. Today, there is a large immigrant population who are well-paid for their work in the homes, construction sites, and brothels of that country. No abuse is possible. Everyone has free access to the legal system for redress of grievances. Oil money trickles down to the poorest man, eventually.

I mean, imagine the boot on the other foot. If I was a black man in the South and subjected to what some call "racism", I would also be content with keeping to my own kind, knowing there were places I couldn't go, only certain churches where I could worship with my own kind. Everybody is happy.

Once we passed the Civil Rights Act in the Sixties, everything was just fine down in Texas. Let me tell you a story from back then. See, Br'er Fox was wise, but not as wise as ol' Br'er Rabbit. "That big ol' rabbit won't get away this time. No, sir, we'll catch him, sho! I'll catch him fo' sho!" Oh, wait. Wrong story.

In Texas from age 12-26 or so, it was fairly racially integrated.  By "fair" I mean that in the average Texas town, if non-whites were allowed to stay after sundown, they pretty much had their own section of town to keep to, or else. Horribly racist jokes and nicknames abounded - from all sides - but people of all races were just a part of everyday life.  If everyone's telling racist jokes and hurling racist epithets, it pretty much evens out, I was taught. Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, etc. were my friends, bosses, employees, colleagues, customers, acquaintances, etc.  (Notice I left out "neighbors" because we lived on the white side of the tracks.) I admit that the language could be rough from time to time to those of a more sensitive non-white ear, but most people of all races I knew in Texas identified themselves first as Texans, second as 'Mericans, and somewhere down the line as their particular race.  Not that we noticed race, except when it came to jocular exchanges of jokes and nicknames.

Since moving to Wisconsin, I think it’s the most racially segregated and stunted area in which I’ve lived since Riyadh.  People are geographically and culturally segregated by race to an alarming extent.  It’s disturbing.  Some parts of town are downright scary! We tried to pick an integrated section of the state, but all we could find was this modest home on a cul-de-sac in West Bend. Nearly three percent of the population here claims to be mostly non-white. I understand that it’s much worse in other places, but it’s certainly not great here. 

I know… I’m a white guy, so I’m not "allowed" by Them to opine on these things… but it’s just my observation…

Roundabout Rules

If you stop at a roundabout and wait for the roundabout to be clear before you venture into it, you will not only have to wait a long time, you will also end up with very many cars behind.  They are just so confusing. The grand purpose of roundabouts is that you usually don’t even have to stop at all. And turning on your left blinker is pretty pointless in a one-lane roundabout! They must be European or something. I can't stand it! How am I supposed to get to the mall and get back in time for My Show? It's just more evidence of the government trying to control our lives. Why are they making the roads different from the way they were in my youth?

Button’s Reign of Terror

As I said last week, we have a fox living in our back yard this year.  My eldest daughter reminded me that we saw a fox a few times last year, so it may be the same one.  In any case, our fox, Button, has become a regular guest.  We see him at frequent intervals - usually eating our mulberries. 

I’m happy to report that since the regular appearance of Button, there has been a decrease in sightings of chipmunks and squirrels.  We still see them, but not as much.  Also, I haven’t see a rabbit in a week or so.  Hmmmmm… the woodchucks are oblivious to all.

If Button keeps the other critters at bay, I’m considering putting a cat dish out to keep him around - as long as he doesn’t keep TOO well fed. Then I'd need to shoot him! I've enjoyed fox several times before. Woodchuck isn't bad, either, if you let it stew. Why they don't let us hunt in the public parks, I'll never know!

Celebrating Independence Day

We had a marvelous dinner of traditional burgers on the grill.  Then, at dinner, as is her place in my life, Wendy recited the Declaration of Independence including each of the signers.  We spent time discussing the meaning of various… er… declarations.  As it happened, the fox that lives in our backyard came out to eat some berries out of the yard.  We decided to name him Button, after Button Gwinnett.  His nickname is Butt.  Not sure that’s a good thing.  I mean, I like Butt as much as the next guy, but... If I was out shooting at the range and having a good ol' time with some male companions, to say "Come over and see our Butt running around the yard" might be miscontrued, especially if Wendy wasn't home when we got back.

Spot On

Mark Belling takes up the issue of “civility” in West Bend.  Good segment.  Listen away (about 4 minutes in). 

It's so simple. Follow the Belling's logic. It's only the conservatives who are told they are uncivil when they're the least bit sarcastic. These g-d liberals and lefties! They're everywhere! Killing babies, pushing the gay porn into the libraries, disturbing suburban life by allowing low-income housing. Those politicians who don't like controversy, who think polite discourse is uncivil? They should just get out of politics. Who are they to wish there would be no controversy?

The solution is simple. If the politicians simply represented the people who shouted the most, who snarled and simplified like Mark Belling, then there wouldn't be any uncivil diatribes and there wouldn't be any controversy. Frankly, I don't know what Belling would talk about, and his show would be replaced by prerecorded hymns. There's nothing wrong with radio-transmitted diatribes that thread together the topics of rising taxes, gay bars in Milwaukee, and developers building slums - and that was only the first half-hour yesterday. Mark Belling has never seen uncivil behavior on this blog (and he's never looked at BadgerBlogger.)

This is America, full of regular West Bend-ians who go on cruises with Mark Belling.

Threads of History

I’ve begun reading George III, A Personal History, by Christopher Hibbert.  One of those fun little tidbits of history was revealed on the 8th page. 

... the future King George III, was born on 4 June 1738 at a home in St. James’s Square rented from the Duke of Norfolk.

and in the footnote:

Norfolk House was demolished in 1938 and the present house, No. 31, was built on the site to the design of Messrs Gunton and Gunton.  A plaque on the front of the building records that it was there that General Eisenhower formed the first Allied Force Headquarters, and planned the North African campaign of 1942 and the invasion on north-west Europe in 1944.  There is no plaque recording the birth of King George III.

How fitting. 

On an unrelated note, on page 43 the author is relating the voyage of the future queen to England.  It references two of her companions as such:

These were the Duchess of Ancaster, her Mistress of the Robes, and the Duchess of Hamilton, First Lady of the Bedchamber, the discomfort of the first being exacerbated by her being pregnant and ‘subject to hysteric fits’, and of the other by concern for the lactation of the ass that she had insisted on taking aboard with her.

I googled “lactation of the ass” and the results were… unpleasant.  Surely there is another meaning, but I can’t seem to uncover it.  Does anyone know?

Update from the comments and the Wife: If she brought aboard a female ass - a donkey - (known as a jenny) in milk, she’d need to be milked just like a cow. That makes sense as I reread it.  By the phraseology of the author I took “the lactation of the ass” to be a noun - as if she had a jug of ass milk - but that wouldn’t seem to present a source of agitation no matter how rough the seas. Wendy pointed out to me, before we went to bed, "Maybe the boat was being tossed about so the ass quit lactating and the woman needed her milk, dang it. Good grief, Owen. Move on to the next paragraph. Please. Can’t you just look at porn like normal husbands?"

I cannot explain my inability to understand this passage. Milk from an ass? Jugs of ass milk? These were my first thoughts. Female ass was much further down my list. How unpleasant!

Political Games With Bucyrus

Hmmmm…. this is looking more and more like a set up.  Follow the logic:

First, there’s a giant story in the MJS Sunday paper saying that a decision by the government-funded Export-Import Bank may cost Bucyrus a huge contract and up to 1,000 jobs.  The Bank's policy was shaped by anti-coal forces who wanted to fight global warming by discouraging coal mining. In this way, Obama was appeasing and controlling the green forces and extracting campaign contributions from ecological types who are always marching on their silly environmental crusades. But Obama is a lying crap weasel secret Muslim, so he works both ends. Obama is from Illinois, a known coal-producing state. I know, I've been to the Museum of Science and Industry. He'll save the jobs for the coal miners, too.

Second, a day later, we see that the agency is reconsidering. What a coincidence! And yesterday as I cruised the interstate after dinner, travelling from rest stop to rest stop, I saw an unmarked black helicopter circling a well-known West Bend landmark. The parallels are ominous, aren't they? You might think he's busy golfing, but he's actually directing the placement of news stories in the Sunday Journal. He can do it via Blackberry.

We now see that Mayor Barrett is going to meet with President Obama to discuss this issue. Next I expect to see the bank reverse its decision and Barrett (and Obama) claim to have “saved” 1,000 jobs, much in the same way those same jobs were "ruined" only moments ago.

Why would Mayor Barrett be meeting with Obama on this?  Bucyrus is located in South Milwaukee, which anagrammed is "House Lake Wit MU", clearly a hint to the White House, Lake Michigan, Waukesha's water problems, the garden hose that runs from my house to Wigderson's house, and Marquette. Bucyrus is not even in the City of Milwaukee.  In fact, it would make more sense for Milwaukee County Executive Scott Walker to meet with Obama regarding Bucyrus than it does Barrett, as "A Excrescence Twit Yuk Volt Out" is an anagram for "County Executive Scott Walker".

The answer is obvious.  They're all lying crap weasels. This is a setup designed to give Barrett some much-needed media play and make him appear to be an effective leader.  It’s a political stunt.  Plain and simple.  And it’s being played out on the fears of all of those Bucyrus employees who are worrying about keeping their jobs. 

Just bear in mind that those jobs would have never been threatened had not the Obama Administration first put a gun to Bucyrus’ head.  Now Obama and Barrett will swoop in to save everyone from a crisis that the Obama Administration created in the first place. 

Political gamesmanship.  Pure and simple. Working both ends. Obama is simultaneously all-powerful, omniscient, and yet entirely ineffective.

Taking a look back

My column for the Daily News is online.  It’s called, “Taking a look back.”  It’s a hodgepodge of quick hits. 

Last week President Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, complained about British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward going yachting given the fact that a BP well is still spewing oil into the Gulf of Mexico. This has me a bit perplexed. President Barack Obama said unequivocally that the federal government, of which he is the chief executive, has been in charge of the response to the BP oil spill “since day one.” Herein lies my conundrum. Follow the logic: If Obama has been in charge since day one, then doesn’t that mean that he is also ultimately responsible for the response? I would think so. And if that is the case, then isn’t Obama responsible for both the good and bad aspects of the response? I would again think so. And if that is the case, then isn’t Obama responsible for the spill itself, the damage to the beaches, the lost income for all involved in fishing and tourism throughout the Gulf? Clearly BP cannot be blamed for any of this without a trial. We are a nation of laws and we cannot jump to conclusions. Only Obama is in charge, therefore, again he is to blame. At the recent Wisconsin convention of the Republican Party, we were reminded to "Privatize the profits, socialize the risk, and always blame Obama."

Have you ever noticed that the 10-key pad on a phone is the reverse of what it is on a computer keyboard? On a phone the '1' is on the upper left while on a computer keyboard the '1' is on the lower left. Given that the entire setup is rather arbitrary as long as it’s in numeric order, I would prefer that they be consistent. I just love Andy Rooney. He may be as old as the hills, but his perceptions about daily life are just the best.

Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed in Utah last week. His execution was on account of his having been convicted of brutally murdering an attorney during an attempted escape when he was on trial for another murder. Normally, the loss of an defense attorney would be appreciated by the conservative community. What makes Gardner’s execution notable is that he was executed by firing squad according to his own wishes and the execution laws of executing Utah. While some abhor the use of a firing squad as a method of execution, I think it’s somewhat of a silly reaction. Poppycock, I say! Once we as a society have made the decision that death is a just punishment for certain crimes, the manner of enacting that punishment is more of a technicality than a moral decision. Revenge killings are deeply satisfying and therefore moral, aren't they? I feel reassured that we are in charge. Technically, I think they should be using a 30.06 at that short range, as it makes for a more dramatic chest wound. I fail to see why death by the electric chair, lethal injection, or bow-and-arrow is any more or less humane than death by firing squad. In all cases, the end result is the same; Death. Life is sacred and short!   Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew! Another criminal gone! And more gun porn. What's not to like?

I was recently sitting with my teenage daughter in the airport waiting for the aero-plane to board. We had just visited a book store and I had three somewhat large volumes in my hands, bound in the finest leather, my hand caressing the spines, up and down, up and down, while I dreamed... We are a family of readers, so this was by no means unusual. As I sat there reading the “Memoirs of Robert E. Lee” by Gen. A.L. Long, longing for the days of slavery, guns, shiny leather boots as daily wear, Southern accents, and men spending a great deal of time together in the great outdoors with their guns, my daughter pulled out her Sony digital book reader and began to read, too. I realized how antiquated my reading habits have become – what with reading actual books and what-not. Ah, well... Herein! Huzzah! Tempus fugit! O tempora o mores!

I am grateful for the Daily News and this opportunity to share my hodgepodge of logic with you.

I have since learned that the phone company put '1' at the top of keypoads because old telephone exchanges were often referred to with alphabetic mneumonics like "EDgewood 2-5000" and placing '1' at the bottom would've meant the alphabet would've been backwards. However, if I didn't have Rooneyesque "Didja ever wonder..." stories like this, my column would be much shorter. I know these anecdotes appeal to the grey-haired readers of the Daily News, even if they were old enough to have dialed mneumonically. Fortunately, they're old enough to have forgotten this.

Caption This

So some Madison people (where else?), none apparently svelte, took off their clothes and hopped onto their inner tubes to protest oil AND to promote positive body images.

Let’s give that last goal a giant fail, shall we?

Can he not read? His right hand is on the left handhold. Hat tip (and a little bit of throw-up) to John Jagler. And bonus points to me for protecting your tender eyes by looking closely at the picture to make sure there weren’t any errant peni flopping about. (Normally that's Owen's job.)

It's not that I make fun of overweight people or people with unconventional appearances. I am totally fat-friendly! I would like to see a big ass Target store somewhere in this town. Please!

On the other hand, I would never post my own picture on the Internet. Who knows what ridicule this might bring down upon me? Go ahead, ridicule my toe nails.

Patti Davis Reflects

Touching.

The night before he died, I borrowed the nurse’s stethoscope and listened to his heartbeat. I wanted to preserve the sound of it in my memory. It was faint by then, erratic—a heart that would stop beating in less than 24 hours.

For the children of iconic figures, balancing the public with the private is a strange and delicate dance. We surrender our parent to the world while holding on tight to the memories that are ours alone. Millions of people know Ronald Reagan’s voice, his words, his life story. They can recite his victories and his failures; almost anyone can tell you about his “Tear Down This Wall” speech, the way he ran the government into deeper debt yet is praised as a cost-cutter, and the magical way he has transformed into a saintly icon of the Right, the way he inspired Paul Ryan's hairstylist.

But they didn’t hear his footsteps coming down the hall when his young daughter woke up frightened from a bad dream. They didn’t ride with him on leafy trails through long summer afternoons. And they didn’t hear his heartbeat the night before he died.

For me, Father’s Day is not about cards or forgettable presents, but about the gift of memory and the small moments that shine the brightest.

Killer Executed

Quick.  Clean.  Humane.  Just. 

A barrage of bullets tore into Ronnie Lee Gardner’s chest where a target had been pinned over his heart. Two minutes later, the twice-convicted killer was pronounced dead as blood pooled in his dark blue prison jumpsuit.

[...]

The five executioners were police officers who volunteered for the task. They stood about 25 feet away, behind a wall cut with a gunport.

One of their .30-caliber Winchester rifles was loaded with a blank so no one would know who fired the fatal shots. Gardner was in a straight-backed metal chair, with sandbags stacked around it to keep the bullets from ricocheting around the cinderblock room at the Utah State Prison.

[...]

Gardner was sentenced to death in 1985 for fatally shooting an attorney during a failed escape attempt from a Salt Lake City courthouse.

At the time, he was facing a murder charge in the 1984 shooting death of a bartender named Melvyn Otterstrom. Gardner pulled out a gun that had been smuggled into the courthouse and shot lawyer Michael Burdell in the face as Burdell hid behind a door.

Best of all, just great gun porn! Who doesn't like to read about stuff like this on a Saturday morning? Who doesn't like to print it out and read it in the bathroom, and re-read it in the privacy of one's own den, late at night? Edit out the middle. Focus on the guns and the men shooting. Life is sacred and short!   Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew!

Capper’s Work Computer Seized

Well, well… I see that capper is in a wee bit of trouble. 

The Milwaukee County District Attorney is investigating a Milwaukee County health department employee suspected of operating three political internet blogs during work hours based on a complaint filed by CRG Network Director of Field Operations Orville Seymer. Wisconsin law prohibits public employees from using taxpayer resources for political purposes. A government employee running political blogs at work is clearly seem to be a taxpayer-funded political activity. The Milwaukee County District Attorney’s Office has taken possession of the government computer used by Christopher Liebenthal, a Milwaukee County employee who operates the three political blogs. Computer records show he was posting to his blog during work hours and possibly from taxpayer-funded computers. Liebenthal has been active in Milwaukee County First and AFSCME Local 48. He has blogged or maintained web pages for those groups as well as his own. Blogging under the name “Capper,” Liebenthal writes for two political blogs called Cognitive Dissidence and Whallah! Numerous political columns by “Capper” [Liebenthal] were posted during working hours.

Follow the logic: The thing is, an analysis of time stamps is pretty stupid.  They're worthless. I can put whatever time I want on a post.  I think the time stamps perhaps give enough probable cause to investigate whether or not a crime (or at least a work ruled violation) has occurred, but it’s certainly not evidence. Ipso facto, there's nothing to worry about, even if investigations can begin because of worthless "evidence".

Who cares if any ol' group like CRG can file a loosely-organized complaint with the District Attorney and lead to the confiscation and examination of a government employee's computer, and subsequent personal insult in the media? After all, Scott Walker is in charge, and you can't question the boss. By definition, because Capper is liberal and CRG supports Scott Walker, this cannot have a chilling effect. I am sure the District Attorney will be able to sort out the list of posting dates that CRG provided, and subtract out the vacation and furlough days. The longer list made for a better press release.

As long as something sticks, it'll be worth it in the end, I'm sure. The evil genius of CRG's action is that the District Attorney won't comment on any in-progress investigation. CRG and its supporters can say anything they like in the meantime.

As I said, I'll appear to be civil and generous and skip over the deeper meanings. We’ll have to wait and see what the investigation yields. And by "wait and see" I mean to imply he's in a "wee bit of trouble." He must've been doing something really bad. They didn't even confiscate Darlene Wink's computer, and look what she was doing! And then stopped doing.

In a larger context, this should remind everyone who posts stuff online - whether it be on a blog, Facebook, Twitter, or whatever - that there is a time and a place for everything.  If it illegal for you to post online at your job, then don’t do it.  If your workplace forbids it, then don’t do it.  Wink, wink! If your employer is cool with it, then just be respectful of the time you spend doing it.  It’s pretty simple.  Stealing time and wages from your employer is only OK if you can get away with it. I am confident that all the people who comment here at Boots and Kittens during the day are either retired or working third shift. Either that, or their "wife" is doing the posting during the day, as my Wendy does for me.

Isn’t This How We Got Obama?

Owen is back from the Wisconsin Republican conclave. He was so salty when he got home, he had to jump in the shower. Now he's told me who we're voting for. I am sooooo confused. A few hours in the park didn't even help! Shoe shopping at the mall - didn't help! Facebook - didn't help! Watching my show - didn't help! I am facing a crisis of monumental proportions. Normally a little retail therapy helps to clean the brain when it is confuzzled by that terrible dissonance between what appears to be real and what I've always believed. What could that Owen be doing at the convention to make him so stanky?

For some inexplicable reason, the delegates at the GOP convention endorsed Ron Johnson for Senate, a candidate who had been a candidate for only slightly longer than five minutes (6 days, I believe it was). People I trust tell me he is the real deal, but other than from a few awesome speeches, what do we know about him? He’s a businessman, a millionaire, a tea party activist,... and what else? What are we, a bunch of sheep? Ouch! That makes my brain hurt!

The other candidates for Senate have been out there for awhile, and we’ve had time to see what they are about. We’ve had time to see that Terrance Wall is a conservative. After all, he says so. He has loads of money to pour into his campaign, knows how to turn pumpkin seeds into tax benefits, and money equals conservatism equals superior morality in most cases, especially when you don't drive a Prius. Wall has been flooding our mailboxes with literature, but his tax issues might be a problem. If we know about his tax tricks, he must not be a very good conservative. Ask any cop: It's only the dumb ones who get caught.

We know that Westlake is right on when it comes to issues like wearing blaze orange regardless of the season and shooting casually at unseen enemies. But he is about as good at raising money as my 9 year old is at making her bed — their hearts are in the right place, but it ain’t gonna happen.  It's not like I can put Westlake to bed without supper for failure to raise money! And he's from Watertown. Riiight. Like we Republicans would elect anyone from Watertown. Just because it has "water" in the name doesn't mean it's exactly Lake Country. Mooo! If it weren't for the Johnson Creek Outlet Mall, Jefferson County at night would be almost as dark as Burnett County.

We had only a short time with Dick Leinenkugel, but we were able to learn his ideas from his failure to distance himself from Doyle’s business-killing policies. "We" demand such comformity! We are the frickin' Wisconsin Republicans! I live in West Bend! On a frickin' cul-de-sac! No independent thoughts allowed! No working for the enemy! Slash-and-burn, that's the Wisconsin ideal! If you ain't whistlin' the code words, I'm not hearing!

But what do we know about Ron Johnson? And do we know enough about him to endorse him above all the other candidates in the race? I am sure once WPRI and WMC weigh in on the issues with a few commercials, my brain will have cleared.

I want Ron Johnson to be the real deal. I really, really, really, really do. Again a bed analogy comes to mind: I close my eyes, block out what I'm hearing, but I always end up thinking about other people. I mean, Russ Feingold is dreamy and all. I just wish he wasn't a Democrat. But I think that we are so desperate to come up with a candidate to go up against Feingold that we are subconsciously (or even consciously) each projecting our own wishes for a candidate onto Ron Johnson and crowning him without really knowing what he is about. Who doesn't like being crowned with projected wishes? I hope that we don’t find out after the election (or before!) that he is all speeches and no substance. Is that another marriage and bed analogy?

Prove me wrong, Ron Johnson. Please. Make me feel better about this decision that's been made for me and thousands of other Republican women of Wisconsin.

Follow the logic of my fantasy: Stranger, project substance on me!

Pedophile Teachers

Sick, sick, sick.

An Oconomowoc School District teacher is accused of sexually assaulting a young girl he met and taught while he was a student teacher in the Waukesha district, according to Waukesha police and a criminal complaint filed Monday. Bryan F. Wendt, 27, of Palmyra, was charged in Waukesha County Circuit Court with two counts of second-degree sexual assault of a child and two counts of child enticement. Wendt taught at Waukesha’s Central Middle School in the spring of 2008 and developed a friendship with the girl when she was an eighth-grader, the complaint says.

Students today just don't understand discipline. What we need are fresh young gym teachers like this guy, hair cut short and a little frosted, who know how to administer corporal punishment when necessary. If we just had a few more teachers who knew how to give the only sort of appropriate touch, that is, with a paddle over their knee, then we wouldn't have these kind of problems. If we can find a teacher who likes this sort of thing, they'll fit right in.

And it's a good thing we have Paul Bucher as this young teacher's lawyer. Although Wendt already told the police that "he loves her", attorney Bucher denied that he also said "She completes me."

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Small World

I’ll have much more about the convention later, but I wanted to share a quick story with y’all.  I left the convention this evening to go to an event with friends.  On my way home, I received a call from a Republican friend who had met one of my old friends and was looking for me!

As it turns out, one of my old pissheads (if you don’t know what I mean, you can skip the rest of this post) is in Milwaukee for business.  He knows I’m a Republican and is staying at the Hyatt in Milwaukee.  In the elevator, it occurred to him that I might be there.  He noticed a couple of his fellow elevator-mates had convention badges on, so he asked them if there was a list of attendees and if they happen to know me.  As it turned out, they did!  I was well-known in college for various reasons. One of the folks in the elevator is a friend of mine who called me and handed his phone to my old friend.  We exchanged numbers and chatted for a while.  Hopefully we’ll get the chance to grab a meal or something this week while he’s in town.  College was great. He was hot stuff!

I know, my quizzes are always too hard. If you check Urban Dictionary, it has the following definitions for pisshead:

1. Someone who constantly drinks alcohol
2. Similar to asshole
3. Someone with mental health problems
4. A person that yells at you for every little thing you do
5. In the hierarchy within the Aggie Corps of Cadets, a pisshead is higher than a fish, and lower than a sergebutt and zip.

Yes, you're right. It's number 5! We were a fun group of guys. No girls allowed, back then! It was all men, with close-cropped hair and shiny boots. We smelled great.

Let me explain some of the specialized language in definition five. Even better than using Urban Dictionary, there's even a AggieWiki to help you with the correct nomenclature. Not that we spend too much time still thinking about our college days!

The phrase "Pisshead" does not usually refer to literally urinating on another man's head. Instead, it's a synonym for "sophomore." Similarly, "zip" means "senior" and referred to a bit of braid on their caps.

Fashion was everything in my glorious college days! Well-dressed men were everywhere, and standards were reinforced with the free market of ideas as well as a little discipline, sometimes even carried out in private.

The phrase "Sergebutt" refers to a bit of fabric on the seat of the trousers worn by some Cadets. Follow the logic: If you happened to be looking at another man's bottom, you'd know he was a "Sergebutt" and you could refer to him as such, and then he'd know that you had been looking at his butt.

In case you think it's only me who is obsessed with shiny boots, excretory functions and what other men are wearing, just check out the comments at our Facebook page. Hah! Those fat weiners!

I just knew that I'd have fun at the Wisconsin Republican Convention. It's comforting to know you'll bump into like-minded men in the elevator at night when you're heading back to your room, alone, and that a quick phone call can lead to a hook-up with an old friend.

Mind Like A Steel Trap… a Closed One

I usually don’t waste the time pointing the inanities of my fellow local columnist and blogger, Mark Peterson, but this was too annoying to pass up, and I couldn't resist this opportunity to write a clever headline.

It is probably a generational disability, but I have never been able to understand, or accept, the possibility of a 20 year old Republican; such a thing violates the laws of nature and the revolutionary traditions of this country.

Bear in mind that Peterson is a professor who allegedly teaches 20-year-olds - many of them Republicans.  Does he really view them with such disdain?  He can’t “accept the possibility” that they exist?  They “violate(s) the laws of nature?” 

That’s a pretty closed mind for a philosophy professor who is tasked with educating young minds. 

I mean, look at me! I'm a forty-something who can't imagine a professor using anecdote, hyperbole, or sarcasm in a blog post when they're already allegedly saddled with the job of teaching philosophy to 20-somethings. Does anybody get what this prof is talking about? I can't understand him. I'm ready for the weekend. What about you guys? Are you up for a little shooting? I've got some time to kill. My gun's been cool too long. Whaddya say we go out for a few brewskies, put on our boots and then head to the range? Wendy's got the kids and I'm ready for a little R'n'R.

Wisconsin GOP Convention 2010

As usual, I’ll be attending the GOP convention this year. I'll be easy to spot, as I'll be wearing my full Texas A&M outfit as seen here in the sidebar of my fair blog.  I've got a new pair of boots and an especially fetching new after-shave. I’ll be in and out over the weekend as I also have some personal commitments to which to attend, meeting up with like-minded fellows in a few after-hours sessions, hob-nobbing and all. There's nothing like a little camaraderie with guys from other cul-de-sacs, you know?  Also, like usual, I will be giving play-by-play coverage on this blog.  You’ll be able to find great coverage with videos and what-not.  I will be blogging my own insights, observations, and side-notes throughout the event.  Basically, it’s the same as it always is around here.  I’ll blog when I feel like it about things that interest me.   Just drop me a line at owen@bootsandsabers.com with tips about your where-abouts and I'll get your message on my phone and we can meet up.

Shop At Education Market

My column for the Daily News is online.  It’s called, “Shop At The Education Market.”  It’s particularly relevant considering the actions of the West Bend School Board last night.  Here’s a portion:

Follow my logic, as I weave a tale to show how the world shall be, as viewed from my cul-de-sac. In the idealized Lake Wobegon, Wis. School District, where all the kids are above average but the local spending magically isn't, the taxpayers of the entire state pay for two-thirds of whatever the district decides to spend through their sales, income and property taxes while the local residents of the district pay for the rest through local property taxes. If the voters of the Lake Wobegon School District elect a board that decides to jack up spending, the voters only bear one-third of the cost of their decisions. If they decide to toss two-thirds of the money into a burn-barrel, So Be It. They can.

The result is the same as in the restaurant example above. The market is distorted. After many years of this market being distorted, it’s hard to tell anymore where reality lies anymore. Except my columns in the Daily News... they are your local source of unbridled reality, especially my stories about how the world should be.

Reports began circulating last week that as many as 300,000 teachers may be laid off nationwide due to tight government budgets and Wisconsin is no exception. While this is certainly bad news for hundreds of thousands of teachers and their families, is it a bad thing for the kids and taxpayers? I know when I was a kid, I didn't like school. Kids today are no different. Even now I often tell my wife, Wendy, that I'm just a kid at heart, and I find this can excuse many incivil behaviors. And what kid wouldn't want to stick it to their teacher? This is the core of the anti-public-school movement, of which I'm proud to say, my Wendy and I are at the forefront. So what if these teachers are also tax-payers? They shall suffer at our hands. Nevermind Article X, Section 3 of the Wisconsin Constitution. As I learned in private school in Dubai and public school in Texas, our Constitutions must be interpreted strictly and literally, which means you can ignore socialist sections like this.

Because the market is distorted, it’s difficult to tell... except here in my column at the Daily News. How many years did the school districts jack up spending and staffing levels – especially during good economic times – because the local taxpayers were only paying a fraction of the cost? I do not know. I shan't tell you, I shall only imply that it has been a good many years. Also bear in mind that spending increases compound. A 5 percent spending increase for five years is a 27.63 percent spending increase over the base year. Nevermind inflation or the increased costs of health care or heating fuels. Just wave your invisible hands, and they will disappear for the sake of argument. However, like magic, the compounding continues, year after year! My spreadsheet tells me the number 100 becomes 252.6950195 in just twenty years by this method. Astounding!

Here in West Bend, per pupil spending is up 38 percent since the 2000-2001 year. That’s better than in some other districts, but would spending have increased that much had the property taxpayers of the school district borne the full cost of those spending decisions? And by "better" I mean "not better", because if you follow my logic, all increases are ipso facto improper.

We don’t know. And by "we", I mean "me". And since we don’t know, we don’t know if staffing levels are currently optimum, overstaffed, or under-staffed in any school district in Wisconsin. All we know is the current staffing level, which was reached after years of making decisions in a distorted market, is almost universally decried as too lean by district administrators and teachers’ unions, and often deemed too fat by others. And by "almost universally" I mean by a recent concensus of neighborhood men gathered in my garage last Sunday, as we discussed spring lawn mowing concerns, recent weapon acquisitions, and new boots.

Who is right? That will depend on the district, but we’ll never know the full truth until local taxpayers pay the full cost of the district. We'll never know what's right... except here in my columns in the Daily News. If every school district’s taxpayers had to pay for the full cost of their school board’s decisions, then the efficiencies of the district would be better achieved and the priorities of the taxpayers properly reflected. To H-e-double-hockey-sticks with that Constitution, I say!

Adam Smith’s Invisible Hand is still the best mechanism for achieving the efficiency and excellence at the price the purchaser is willing to pay. It works whenever it’s tried and it should be tried in education. As they always say about the Invisible Hand, "Too much lube is almost enough!"

Inappropriate Comments

I love reading old books. It's almost as much fun as reading "blogs" in the den in my underwear.  One of the reasons I love it is because the writing is as interesting as the story being told.  And you thought I read these "books" just for the pictures? The old writing reveals the perceptions, biases, and perspectives of the author and the time period as much as the information being conveyed, much as the way a modern "blog" writer might reveal his biases and prejudices, "accidentally" or even on purpose.  For example, I have a history book of WWI written in 1919.  It has a vastly different perspective and uses starkly different language than one written in 1998.  Avast! It's almost like pirate talk, which I love.

I’m currently reading the Memoirs of Robert E. Lee.  Of course, Marse Robert never wrote his memoirs, so it’s a bit of a misleading title.  Us Southerners like using antiquated turns-of-phrase like "Marse". It's short for "Master", which is what the slaves were required to call Marse Lee in those good ol' days for guys like you and me. In fact, this is written by General A. L. Long, Lee’s longtime secretary and friend, and polisher of his boots, and clearly a good white fellow if he was a General.  Long wrote the memoir with the input of many of Lee’s contemporaries and after Long went blind.  The original publishing date was 1887. 

On page 61, in reference to the conclusion of the Mexican-American War and the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, Long writes:

The terms on which the peace was granted, as is well known, were highly advantageous to the United States, and perhaps in no just sense disadvantageous to Mexico, for the provinces which were ceded to the United States, though they have been raised to such a high value by Anglo-Saxon enterprise and energy, were almost worthless in the hands of the supine Mexicans.

(Do you see where I get my love of commas?)  Agree with it or not, a sentence like that, would not be written, in a modern, history, book.  Old books are like two treasures in one.  (Have you ever put two in one? Remind me to tell you about this one time at A&M.) Us Southerners like old traditions, like making fun of Mexicans by calling them lazy or "supine", in contrast to the actual situation in the South and West today, where I hear the Mexicans are the ones doing the work that even the Blacks won't do.

Sunday Insight 7/26/09

I’ll be on Sunday Insight with Charlie Sykes this morning at 10:00.  I truly make a dumbass of myself in the third segment (more so than usual), so be sure to watch.  I screwed up my facts.  It didn’t detract from the overall point, but it was still quite embarrassing.  Charlie, being the caring and thoughtful person he is, didn’t let us retake the segment.  For a moment there, I wondered if he enjoyed promoting incorrect and inflammatory material as a way to boost ratings and keep attention focused on his show. Then I thought about how Sykes is respected among conservatives, and I knew this couldn't be the case. I might not be right, but the rest of the herd must be. Keep your head down!

Column Fail

Mark Peterson, the lefty Saturday columnist for the West Bend Daily News, attempted to write an ironic column, but just came off looking like an ill-informed anti-Christian bigot.  Hey… it happens… What an ignorant fool. Only us true conservatives are allowed to quote the Bible for political gain and trumpet our piety on street corners and blogs as a means of directing respect.

If Mark went to church every Sunday, he'd know which parts of the Bible to quote and which not to quote. Do you think Ginny runs around reading those parts to her kids? No, she doesn't. However, she does make her kids read their Bibles every night. The contradiction keeps them on their toes - yes, you can read this part, no you can't read that part, yes, this is the most important book in the world. Just the right parts, like the ones that say that the gays are going to roast in the fires of Hell. Love the sinner, hate the sin, remind them they're going to roast and that they're causing the Gulf hurricanes, and offer to burn their books to show them what that heat's going to be like - that's the way directed by God. Similarly, Ginny can use the same Biblical quote-mining skills to hunt for only the dirty parts of the books at the library.

If she had the kids reading the parts about love and loving one another and giving up all your possessions to help the poor, who knows where this world might be. That sounds kind of Obama-ish to me. God approves of the cul-de-sac lifestyle of Washington County. Last Sunday's sermon confirmed this for me.