Great Tits Adapt

Well, that’s good, I guess.

Researchers found that great tits are laying eggs earlier in the spring than they used to, keeping step with the earlier emergence of caterpillars.

I guess. I've been told not to believe in evolution, though. Did you see the movie Expelled? Darwin secretly worked for Hitler! I did not know that!

On summer afternoons, sometimes I climb a ladder and pretend to clean the gutters. I'm actually up there with my camo binocs, looking for great tits in the backyards along my cul-de-sac. I guess you'd call me a bird watcher. Get it? I watch birds.

Wendy still believes this.

Maybe you could visit. We could have a few, then I'll take you to the basement and show you my weapons. I adapt, too, I guess!

Posted by Owen at 1118 hrs
Off-Duty

Dead Woman Found on Toilet

Sick.

Tammy D. Lewis, 35, and Alan A. Bushey, 57, both of Necedah are each charged with two felony counts of causing mental harm to a child, according to a criminal complaint filed Friday. Lewis also faces one count of obstructing police. The two, who are also known as Sister Mary Bernadett and Bishop John Peter Bushey, along with the dead woman, Magdeline Alvina Middlesworth, were all part of a small Bible-based church led by Bushey, Juneau County Sheriff’s Brent Oleson said. [...] Lewis told the deputy that “God told her Alvina would come back to life is she prayed hard enough.” Bushey told the deputy that “Lewis was obedient and served the Lord just as she should.” The 12-year-old boy later told investigators that after Middlesworth died, Bushey told him her appearance “was the result of demons attempting to make it appear that Alvina would not come back to life. The boy also reportedly said that Bushey told him that if Middlesworth’s death was discovered, he and his sister would have to go to public school and get jobs because the woman, whom the boy referred to as his “grandmother,” was paying the bills.

This is ridiculous superstition. After all, every good Christian (that is, the ones at my church) knows that demons are responsible only for occultic games (such as Pokemon, World of Warcrack and Ouija boards), satanic rock music, false religions such as Wicca, Islam and Unitarianism, drug use, affection for rum and Romanism in general. If you're not my kind of Christian, you're pretty much demonic. Pray and fast, pray and have faith, pray and rebuke it! Follow the logic: Send the demon(s) into a pack of wild pigs, who will then drown themselves in a nearby body of water.

Posted by Owen at 2010 hrs
Off-Duty

Not Random

Let’s hope they find the shooter soon.

Saturday night’s drive-by shooting in the Town of Addison that left a 16-year-old Slinger girl in critical condition with a gunshot wound to the head was not a random act, Washington County Sheriff Dale Schmidt said today. “Other residents don’t need to worry” that someone is driving around shooting at motorists, Schmidt said. Nicole Sell was a passenger in a vehicle heading west on Highway K about 11 p.m. Saturday when someone in a passing westbound vehicle shot at her vehicle multiple times, according to the Sheriff’s Department. Two other boys in the car, Scott Cecil, 17, of Hartford, and Justin Towne, also 17, of Slinger, were not hurt. Schmidt said it was unknown yet whether the three teens knew the person who fired the shots.

Clearly this shooter is in need of remedial practice at his local range. We all know that all gun owners take the time to learn their weapon and spend a few Sunday afternoons at the range. It's not like you can get a gun from just anywhere and think you know how to shoot it at a moving target. It may look like that in the movies. Until you've been at a range, you'll never be able to hit a passenger in another moving vehicle from another vehicle. For that kind of self-defense, you need extra recreational training. Even though I've categorized this one under "Law", don't think I'm one of those fellow travellers who wants any laws about guns.

Posted by Owen at 2135 hrs
Law

Didn’t Jump, But Nakedness Ensued

It was a beautiful day in Wisconsin today.  It was in the mid to lower 60’s, sunny, and breezy.  I’ll come back to the breezy part. 

The family and I headed out to the drop zone this afternoon for me to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  The day was just gorgeous.  We sat on the deck and watched dozens of skydivers drifting from the plane to the ground.  Some of them came in fast.  Some of them came in slow.  There were a lot of tandem jumps.  We sat and we sat and we sat. 

For better or worse, I was scheduled for a static line jump.  That’s where you jump out of the plane with a tether attached between your container and the plane and it deploys the chute for you.  I wanted to do it this way instead of the tandem because then I’d be alone for the under-canopy descent.  Unfortunately, a static line jump requires less than 12 MPH winds.  Winds today were 12 MPH gusting to 16 MPH - and they didn’t let up.  After four hours of waiting for Mother Nature to cooperate, we scheduled for another day and headed home. 

We did see one entertaining episode - beyond the scores of canopies floating to the ground.  There was a group of Navy guys there to do some tandem jumping.  That’s where there’s an instructor strapped to you and two people descend under one chute.  One of the guys decided to go naked.  Yes… stark naked.  How did I end up at the drop zone with naked military guys? What are the odds? He was only wearing the harness for the jump.  In case you were wondering, he was the guy strapped to the front. Not that I noticed or thought about that, or the fact that they were military men. He did a decent job of covering his bits and pieces, but there’s only so much one can do when one’s hands are required for other tasks - not that I noticed. I did a good job of keeping Wendy and the kids distracted.  They never knew it happened.  I’m just glad I had my long eyes!  This is a Southern expression meaning "I could only see his bits and pieces when he was more than ten feet away."

I’m disappointed that I couldn’t jump today, but I would rather do it safely on another day than risk it today.  My time will come soon enough.  And you all know I'm thinking about what I'll be wearing - my special shiny boots! I've got my instructor all picked-out. He is AWESOME!

Posted by Owen at 2217 hrs
Off-Duty

No more silence

My column for the West Bend Daily News is online.  I bring up the Day of Silence that happened across America last week and pretty much hammer it, pound it, slam it, beat it, whip it without mercy. The column is called, ”No more silence.” In other words, let's keep up the subtle and not-so-subtle harassment of fairies and thespians. Here’s a little snippet.

Finally, the fact that the administration and the faculty either implicitly or explicitly support the Day of Silence is unacceptable. Who said they did? I do. Follow the logic: They allow it to happen, therefore they must approve of it. Our schools are incredibly valuable to our society, but they do have a finite responsibility and need to survive on even smaller allocations of funding, because they're "incredibly valuable" but not really that important in the scheme of things, as when compared to my need for new guns. They exist to educate our children to prepare them to be responsible members of our Republic (in the Darth Vader sense of the word) and useful in our economy so that they can be gainfully employed. They do not exist to advocate or protest particular lifestyles, sexual orientations, or moral codes, or even think on their own.

As a society, we accept this principle on some issues. For example, we would not accept our public schools holding a day to support the message of Jesus Christ and educate the children on His teachings. That might seem to be against the Constitution. Maybe we could call it "Holiday Break" instead of Christmas or Easter or something. I say "we" here but I don't mean "me". I sure would support them teaching about Christ in the public schools. After all, I send my kids to a private religious school for that very reason. Nor would we tolerate our public schools spending a day teaching our children the virtues of euthanasia or Nazism or cannibalism. These are not issues about which we either empower or entrust our public school teachers to instruct our children, and therefore these horrors are equal to sanctimoniously reminding us that we shouldn't bully the gay kids. Who do they think they are, allowing students to lead conscious-raising campaigns on their own! These students need to learn to follow along blindly without thinking, following some nice organization like Americans For Purity. They only exist as larval serfs of the Republic!

The most obvious problem with the Day of Silence is that it wastes an entire day of classroom instruction, even lunch and recess. Why is it a waste? Because I say so! You can't learn if you're mute! The students do not speak. Which students? Only the ones who want to stand up against harassment of the gays, and I'm sure you know what kind of kids I'm talking about. It's always the quiet ones you have to worry about. They can’t participate in classroom discussions or ask questions about their assignments. See how quickly I conflated a few uppity kids with all of the students? It's kind of like the euthanasia part above. Teachers have limited choices. They need noise and talking. They can accommodate the students who are protesting and accept the wasted day. I know all about teachers, because I went to school, you know. This has to be a hard pill to swallow for teachers who care about providing a quality education. The fact that the students who participate in the Day of Silence waste classroom time is no small matter, because they are not just wasting their own time. They are also wasting the time of the other students who are there to learn. And that's a waste of time, unlike blogging in your underwear. The fact that the teachers aren't complaining about this should tell us something. You know you can't trust those lazy, time-wasting public employees who cause your taxes to go up, up, up. These are all facts. Forthwith, over the breastworks!

Furthermore, what about those students whose faith or moral foundation teaches them that homosexuality is wrong? Can't they talk? High school students are highly impressionable and are susceptible to peer pressure. Think of the children! Follow the logic: It gets tough to understand this paragraph, even in the original. It is unjust to put those students in a position of being forced to either accept a lifestyle that they consider to be immoral or face ridicule, ostracism, or worse. As I'm trying to say here, it's far more just to continue letting kids be kids and let them harass the gays. While I condescend to say it is a noble effort to combat the harassment that homosexual kids have faced over the years, it is repulsive to do so by putting other kids in a position to be harassed by not letting them hear you talking. Right now I'm thinking about "the positions" I was put in while hazed at college.

Posted by Owen at 1509 hrs
Culture + Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

GUNS AT COST!!!!

They are going fast.  BUY NOW!!!

The seller is doing this to promote 2nd Amendment rights.  GOOD FOR HIM!!!  Take advantage of him now! We need more guns! More guns at school! It's for the children! More bows and sharp arrows in the public parks, too! Someday my city-deer-killing dream will come true!

Posted by Owen at 2219 hrs
Firearms

Scars

I realized recently that there is a limit to my empathy.  I have endured the death of my father, my brother, uncles, aunts, grandparents, step-father, etc.  I don’t say this to garner sympathy.  I give it to you, my public, as a way to unburden my heart and garner sympathy in the comments. I am by no means unique in this regard.  There are thousands of self-obsessed bloggers. But the truth is that I have built up some mighty breastworks within my heart that even I can not breach.  By "breastworks," I'm not making a breast joke or even a man-boob joke. You know I'm being really serious when I use archaic words. A breastwork is a chest-high embankment, used to better shoot at other people without being shot yourself, so it's a gun word, so it's OK. It's like I'm saying I can't breach my own belly.

In the real world, what this means is that there is a limit beyond which I can no longer empathize with my fellow man.  I can’t, which leads to "retard" jokes.  I reach the point of dark humor - or gallows humor - that is the limit that my heart can bear.  Except for my Asian imitations, my heart can bear those. I would love to reach further and cry with those around me who have lost, but I fear that I could not do so without completely crushing someone in the process, and I'm not talking about my belly if I was "reaching around."  There is an art to the self-preservation of the soul in which I engage - even without knowing it.  Let's follow that logic. It's in there, somewhere.

I know no other existence.  Except for college. That was cool. We had special boots.

Posted by Owen at 2121 hrs
Off-Duty

Scalia’s View on Judicial Biases

Justice Scalia on the law.

Scalia told CBS News’ “60 Minutes” that he may be conservative, but he is not biased on issues that come before the court. “I mean, I confess to being a social conservative, but it does not affect my views on cases,” Scalia said in excerpts released Thursday.

“On the abortion thing, for example, if indeed I were ... trying to impose my own views, I would not only be opposed to Roe versus Wade, I would be in favor of the opposite view, which the anti-abortion people would like to see adopted, which is to interpret the Constitution to mean that a state must prohibit abortion,” Scalia told correspondent Lesley Stahl.

“And you’re against that?” Stahl asked.

Scalia replied, “Of course.” He said “there’s nothing” (in the Constitution to support that view.)

That, my friends, is judicial conservatism.  Well, sort of. Scalia also once said of liberal majorities on the Court, "Someday, you're going to get a very conservative Supreme Court and regret that approach." In other words, "judicial conservatism" can mean whatever we want it to mean. Once we get a majority on a court, all bets are off. I'm so glad Gableman was elected.

Posted by Owen at 2113 hrs
Law

Clinton Would Nuke Iran

Clinton’s getting downright hawkish. As she should, if she wants my vote.

In the interview Monday, Clinton affirmed that she would warn Iran’s leaders that “their use of nuclear weapons against Israel would provoke a nuclear response from the United States.” She said U.S. allies in the Middle East were being “intimidated and bullied into submission by Iran,” raising the prospect of an “incredibly destabilizing” arms race in the region.

Of course, that’s all well and good, but what if Iran launches a non-nuclear attack on Israel?  It's shameful that every war in history except one has been fought without nuclear weapons. Follow the logic: It’s evident that nuclear weapons are not required for complete destruction.  How would she respond if Iran launched a conventional attack?  A biological or chemical weapons attack?  Clinton’s position is the correct one, but incomplete.  Nuclear weapons should be used whenever - whenever our enemies have them, have been denied them by us, or not.

Posted by Owen at 0650 hrs
Foreign Affairs + Military + Politics + Politics - General

What’s Brown and Sounds Like a Bell?

DUNG!

Heaven knows we like poop jokes around here. I think they're higher on the list than Oriental impersonations, but below "retard" jokes.

Posted by Owen at 2104 hrs
Off-Duty

Illiterate Peasants

Yikes.

A Colorado legislator known for kicking a photographer was ordered to leave the podium of the state House of Representatives on Monday because he called Mexican workers “illiterate peasants.” “I would like to have the opportunity to state at the microphone why I don’t think we need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in Colorado,” Bruce said. His outburst drew an audible gasp from the House.

Obviously, we would prefer literate peasants. They make much better workers.

Posted by Owen at 2001 hrs
Politics + Politics - General

How to Keep the Fire Burnin’

Moron Pundit explains how he keeps the romance alive in his marriage. 

Yes, dear readers, it’s true: Maintaining some semblance of sexual activity in your marriage requires you to deploy the same kinds of nasty tactics you swore you would never stoop to as a parent but nonetheless found yourself using the minute you actually had a kid. Bribery and beating work; so do yelling and bullying. Threats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business (a convenient ‘fall down the stairs’ always works). With wives, throwing things, pushing her around and body blows are particularly useful, as is telling her you only do it because you love her after the aforementioned.

… When my wife has lingered too long over her Cosmo magazine and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the three weeks we’ve gone without sex, I slap it out of her hand and let her know what’s going to happen. “A husband has a right to sex,” I say in a tone of voice that brooks no equivocation. She may struggle and squirm, but the job gets done. It’s okay that I have to do most of the work.

Who knew that so many women get out of line like this? Whenever I've wanted to have sex with my wife, we did it my way. We have sex a lot. We have three kids. She wore the chaps and boots all three times.

Posted by Owen at 1842 hrs
Culture

Electing Justices Good for Republic

Indeed. 

Liberal elitists, who think they are better at picking judges than the voters are, were quick to point to the money injected into the race and negative advertising as justification for “merit selection" of judges—a fancy name for patronage appointment.

Liberals say contentious and costly judicial election campaigns create disrespect for the judiciary and dupe voters. There is no “silver lining," they say. On the contrary, though, there are several.

First, the close election brought valuable attention to referendum issues on the ballot. The voters approved a constitutional amendment depriving Gov. Doyle of the so-called “Frankenstein" veto he has used to drastically edit budget legislation passed by the Legislature. It was voted down by a margin of 71 percent to 29 percent.

Second, the Gableman-Butler contest was further evidence that Wisconsinites care about judicial rulings. With Butler making a liberal majority, the court garnered nationwide notoriety for decisions expanding business liability in legally unprecedented ways. This clearly played a role in the election.

Third, the money and advertising in the race were not entirely bad. The money trail provided clues for voters on which candidate to support in the nonpartisan race.

Business, law enforcement, and Republicans supported Gableman, while labor, teachers, and Democrats supported Butler.

I distrust people who seek to give the people LESS of a voice in the operations of their government.  I trust people who seek to give me MORE of a voice, by leveraging the power of their money, not mine. That's why I follow along. I find it much easier to simply follow along with groups like WMC and AFP than to spend all my time trying to follow obscure clues to figure out where the money is really coming from. Follow the logic: All those people who didn't vote - that's clearly proof that Wisconsinites care about picking judges.

Hat tip to Do the Right Thing.

Posted by Owen at 0913 hrs
Law + Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

Prohibited Military Equipment for Sale on Internet

This is unsettling.

Government investigators posing as buyers were able to purchase a dozen prohibited military items on the popular online selling sites. The report notes that the items purchased could easily have been shipped overseas and “used directly against our troops and allies.”

The items include:

• Two F-14 fighter jet components. The United States has retired its fleet of F-14s. Only Iran is currently using them.

• Night vision goggles specially made to military specifications that allow the user to identify U.S. troops at night.

• Army combat uniforms. The military has prohibited the sale of uniforms to non-military personnel since January 2007, when Iraqi Insurgents used U.S. military uniforms to sneak into a base in Karbala and kill five U.S. service members.

• Special “enhanced” body armor vests used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and not available to the general public.

It’s unsettling because too many hardware-loving collectors can’t get the really, really good stuff. You can’t expect to get what you want on eBay. You need to hunt for better sites than that. Just like everything else, I guess the Internet and the free market have found a way to satisfy the possession lusts of every honest, boot-wearing military fetishist! We live in a truly great time, don’t we? God Bless. If you ever site my cul-de-sac, and I’ve had a few, maybe I’ll show you the special parts of my collection. I’ve got stuff you’ve never seen before.

Posted by Owen at 2151 hrs
Military + Technology

Fortune Cookie

"Always be suspicious of government official who seek to remove themselves from public scrutiny."

I know, some people play games with fortune cookies, like adding "in bed" to whatever they say. At the AFP executive meetings that we hold at the local Chinese place, the game we play is to add "Except for Bush". He’s an exception, don’t you think?

I’m not going to say who it is, but there’s a guy at our table who can imitate the waiter perfectly. It’s hilarious! He gets the accent and the dropped sounds and the mixed-up personal plurals and everything just right!

Posted by Owen at 2146 hrs
Politics + Politics - General

When It Rains…

...MMSD dumps sewage into the waterways.  It’s like clockwork.

Combined sewers in central Milwaukee began overflowing to the Milwaukee, Menomonee and Kinnickinnic rivers and Lake Michigan shortly after 6 p.m. as heavy rain continued across the metropolitan area. Milwaukee Metropolitan Sewerage District Executive Director Kevin Shafer ordered gates from combined sewers to the deep tunnel waste water storage system closed around 6:05 p.m.

We’ve got so much water now. Why do we need this stupid water compact? I wish Wigderson (pronounced like Anderson, but with a Wig-der) would run his garden hose over to my place, like he’s always telling me he’s going to do. Then each of us could suck on the right end to get the suction going. Let’s walk through the logic: Through the force of nature, the precious fluid would flow in the right direction. If he needed water, I would blow.

Posted by Owen at 2002 hrs
Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

PETA Demands School Remove Hunting Display

This is a losing battle for PETA.

Animal rights activists want a northwest Wisconsin school to scrap a display showing off the dead animals students have hunted. PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, says it’s wrong to allow the student photos at the Maple Northwestern Middle School, Poplar, Wis. They’ve asked Principal Ken Bartelt to get rid of them. PETA’s Sangita Kumar says the hunting pictures glorify killing and that’s dangerous at a time of war in the Middle East and school shootings throughout America.

Seriously?  Humans have been hunting for what?  EVER?  Ever since Cain slew Abel - without a gun, mind you? And suddenly now it leads to violence in the Middle East and school shootings?  Whatever. On the bright side, the principal of the school should be commended for his response.

Bartelt says the display is not going anywhere. He says it’s wrong for PETA to equate hunting with gun violence. 

Ridiculous! What do guns have to do with gun violence? If only more school officials would respond to such ridiculous requests in such a fashion. If only more citizens would support my idea of allowing bow hunting in the public parks, those students would have fewer deers to kill. If only the schools used more free dead animals and antlers in their decorating, maybe those kids would learn more, maybe they wouldn't need to build new schools and pay for wall decorations. Maybe the kids could learn more about a career in taxidermy, which is sustained by hunters like me, who spend dollars in the North Woods and public parks, which helps the economy. Forthwith!

Posted by Owen at 1906 hrs
Culture + Foreign Affairs + Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

A Glorious Pole for Ol’ Glory

I’m sure they will get it fixed.

But at Acuity insurance headquarters in Sheboygan, it was the newly installed 338-foot-high pole - minus the stars and stripes - that was doing the waving. The pole was erected last Friday. Over the weekend, the pole swayed visibly during low-speed winds, prompting the construction firm to take down the top section Tuesday so engineers can make adjustments. Although the mammoth mast wavered in the wind, it wasn’t going to fall down, said John Quist, project engineer for Minneapolis-based Barr Engineering. “There is not any danger of that,” he said. The new mast replaces an equally tall pole that was removed last fall because of maintenance concerns.

I’ve driven past that flag many times as I’m cruisin’ the interstates, taking the occasional break at our state’s fine rest stops when I feel full.  It is quite impressive.  Glorious pole. So thick at the base. I hope they get these issues resolved. 

Posted by Owen at 2045 hrs
Off-Duty

Moving Ahead with Expanding I-94

Here’s some good news.

Plans to expand 35 miles of I-94 from six lanes to eight between Milwaukee and Illinois moved closer to final approval Friday with a report that declared the project would comply with federal environmental laws. Barring a dramatic shift, the $1.9 billion reconstruction and expansion plan appears in line to receive a go-ahead from the Federal Highway Administration after a 30-day comment period, which follows release of the Final Environmental Impact Statement.

I know that some folks don’t want this, but let’s be real.  This corridor is one of the primary routes for men and commerce in and out of Wisconsin.  Expanding it is not only necessary for the present, it will benefit Wisconsin’s economy for years to come.  I’m sure gas prices will come down and we’ll need to drive more. Aren’t you? More roads, fewer schools! Driving is healthy! This is the right way to collect taxes and spend them with conservative-minded road-building companies. They donate some of their profits to conservative candidates, who spend the money on ads in the mainstream media, which helps Charlie Sykes. The benefits are numerous and trickle down to all of us. I hope they build a few more rest stops, too.

Posted by Owen at 1233 hrs
Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

I Suppose It Was Purely Inevitable

When I first started blogging, the Wisconsin blogosphere was pretty simple.  TAM had been around for a while.  In 2003, there were only a handful of Wisconsin bloggers.  Lakeshore Laments, The Blog General, Folkbum, Ann Althouse, and a few others that I’m sure I’m forgetting.  In any case, perhaps I’m being nostalgic (I’ve been known to do that), but it was pure.  It was almost literally a bunch of people sitting around in their underwear discussing the world around them.  I know I was in my underwear and boots. Still am! Aren’t you? It’s practically my uniform for surfing the net’s many gun sites, and I know I’m not the only one. Jed, too! We were pure quite often when we were together in college. Nostalgia! Gosh, I haven’t seen a Calvin Klein poster in years!

I recall having very lengthy and enjoyable discussions with folkbum about a variety of issues.  I’m sure if I went back through the archives, I’d find quite a bit of that (as well as a lot more gun pr0n).  Even on the righty side, we had debates about issues where we disagreed - even vehemently at times.  “Great President? Or the Greatest President?” was always good for a “debate”.

But in the toddler age of the Wisconsin blogosphere, there was a crucial element: respect.  There was respect for the fact that the other guy sitting behind his keyboard was a normal guy like me.  He or she had a job, a family, likes, dislikes, prejudices, a lawn to mow, etc.  He or she had good days, bad days, great days, was grumpy, happy, sad, etc.  He or she was a person - with all of the texture that means.  So when we engaged each other, we did it from the standpoint that we were a couple of ordinary guys talking about stuff. Just ordinary guys, in our undies, with texture you could feel if you were close enough. And it was pure.

Even as recently as 2006, this held true.  An example comes to mind, I don’t know why. I had a lengthy and respectful debate with a lovely young lady from FAIR Wisconsin regarding the gay marriage amendment.  We debated the issue and went our separate ways.  We never came to agreement, but we had the debate respectfully.  Maybe it had something to do with my underwear. It was pure. Follow the logic: Flame wars were invented by the Wisconsin blogosphere in 2006. I say so. If you disagree, don’t try to bother me with the “facts.”

I don’t see this happening in the Wisconsin blogosphere anymore.  It has evolved, or devolved, or de-revolved, into the crass identity politics which everyone laments.  It’s rarely about debating the issues.  It’s about tearing each other down.  It’s about robo-calls during dinner, funded by who knows who. Next thing you know, they’ll be holding night rallies. It’s sad and pathetic.  And, with all due respect, it ticks me off.  I think we should hold a conference on the issue some evening at a nice suburban hotel. We can invite other like-minded ordinary guys. Underwear. Pure. Guns. Know what I mean? Unlike some conferences where I was told full frontal nudity was prohibited, it’ll be OK for speakers at my new upcoming “Americans For Purity” conference. I feel pure that way. Don’t you?

I read with great interest the debate in the Wisconsin blogosphere regarding the latest Wisconsin Supreme Court election.  There were lengthy posts on the race.  Some of them were of depth and substance.  Some posts were just pictures of ordinary guys standing around drinking in sports bars, thinking about what kind of underwear the other guys were wearing. But even of those, far too many were also laced with insults and filth.  And I’m not just talking about the posts about “retards” and pole dancers and the pink gun porn. It seemed to matter less about what was said than who said it.  This has become commonplace. Even a conservative called Gableman “Fred Flintstone.” Others gasped for air as if they’d been holding their nose and breath for a long time, not wanting to admit they didn’t think Gableman was the greatest candidate we could run. There’s just no loyalty any more.

I, for one, lament the decline of the Wisconsin blogosphere.  I suppose it was inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t change it.  We can make it pure again, because conservatives are all about returning to the Pure Golden Age that came before today’s filth. We have no responsibility for the decline. We have been sent to correct it. Unlike those liberals who want to change the world into their Utopia, we’re about moving backwards to an age where history has been written by the victors, and sufficiently whitewashed into underwear-like purity, and then taught in private schools. We will begin with archaic incantations like “Forthwith”.

Forthwith, I promise that I will engage my fellow bloggers on the content of their arguments, using headlines like “Liberals Get Their Wish”. Short and substantive and pure.  I further promise that I will ignore and possibly remove from our blogroll those who engage in constant personal attacks, unless they’re conservative.  I will ban from my blog anyone who successfully shows that I, Jed or my wife are wrong on an issue. That’ll show ’em! The use of “facts” is hereby banned. We should shun those who engage in this behavior and deprive them of the traffic they crave.  By “debate”, I mean ordinary guys sitting around in their underwear, discussing the fine points of conservative thought. If I slip up, I invite our loyal seven readers to correct me.  I’m human, after all.  I’m pure and I’m in my underwear.

As I said, it saddens me to watch the Wisconsin blogosphere decline.  But I refuse to be a part of it.  It’s been literally days since I’ve insulted a visitor. I’m feeling pure today, unlike those previous posts where I might’ve given you the impression I was about to end it all. Easy glum, easy glow!

Posted by Owen at 1002 hrs
The Blog

A Disapproving Caller

I got a call at home today about my column in the West Bend Daily News last week.  This happens from time to time.  People call to offer their opinion, agree, thank, or whatever.  It’s great to have the opportunity to pretty much ignore folks and their feedback. 

The lady who called this evening was not happy with me.  I don’t know how this could happen. It’s not like I wrote to provoke! It’s not like everyone doesn’t want to shoot deer with razored-arrows in public parks! It’s not like publishers enjoy having Sykes-like rants to encourage buzz and readership! I’m just a guy in the community. True, I’m a very heavily armed guy with an itchy trigger finger… but still just a guy.

She thought I was wrong about the three West Bend Aldermen who walked out of a meeting last year in protest.  She objected to my “Gang of 5” label.  She said something about the way conservative opinion-heads always conflate the atrocities of the Communists with the smallest things that offend them, yadda yadda yadda. She said that she thought that she thought that the whole reason we were fighting the Iraq War was to enact democracy and yadda yadda yadda.

I appreciate the commentary.  Really I do.  That’s what I mean by “yadda yadda yadda.” One of the frustrating things about writing a column is the lack of - or extremely delayed - feedback. It takes so long to be have that chance to show my superiority and lack of desire to actually have a discussion with the public. Communication should be one way, period. See, I pretty much ignore what you visitors write here as comments, too. Just keep visiting and clicking on those ads on the right, please.

But I think the lady who called got frustrated with my responses.  In essence, my responses were limited to things like, “okay,” and “uh huh.” (This isn’t surprising because I’m a well-known blogger, and blogging is often just the art and science of adding one-word interpretations of block-quotes of something someone else has written.) This is what makes today’s society great - I talk, you listen, I have the right to plug my ears afterwards.

The reasons for this were two-fold.  First, she called dangerously close to the middle of my dinner and I was anxious to return to the marvelous meal that Wendy had cooked me.  For this reason, I declined to engage my caller in debate. What right do people have calling in the middle of my Beef Stroganoff Hamburger Helper? That’s so rude! At least she was animated and not just automated.

Second, with all due respect yadda yadda yadda, I just didn’t care.  She disagreed with my opinion.  Fine.  Good for her.  Whatever.  I really appreciate the commentary, that’s why I talk like that. I write an opinion column.  I’m fine with people disagreeing with my opinion.  Just don’t call me during my dinner. That rankles me. Comments, they just don’t rankle me.  What, I’m supposed to change my mind because of what you say? Who are you? Are you a well-known blogger? Are you on Charlie Sykes? Huh uh huh? I didn’t think so. But I think it might have rankled her that her disapproval didn’t rankle me.  Oh well.  (These meds are great!) When you’re opinionated, you get used to people disagreeing with you.  I don’t care! It’s not like I’m rude about it! It’s not like I ever make mistakes!

Posted by Owen at 2040 hrs
Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

Obama Doesn’t want Daughters to be Punished by a Baby

Wow.  When Obama gets off script, he can be downright scary.  Those lie-berals are always on script, unlike conservatives, whose words are guided by Jesus, and whose advisors only serve to mail postcards and arrange robocalls.

“Look, I’ve got two daughters — 9 years old and 6 years old,” he said. “I am going to teach them first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby. I don’t want them punished with an STD at age 16, so it doesn’t make sense to not give them information.”

“Punished with a baby?” Punished?  Who does he think he is? Only God wields punishment! Like with hurricanes, STDs, AIDS, etc.

James T. Harris sees this coming back to bite Obama… and it should.  That’ll be a good punishment for him.

Can you see the attack ad? A bunch of kids born to teenage mothers asking “Am I a punishment, Senator Obama?” Wow.

Obama must secretly hate his own children. He probably doesn’’t like puppies or apple pie, either. There’’s probably some secret pro-abortion message in this, too. Taking care of children is a woman’s pleasure, not her punishment. Ask any pregnant teen mother who is on her own while her fleeting impregnator is out playing paint-ball! Having a child when you’re a teen should be welcomed, especially if you’d been told that you shouldn’t have sex and should not have access to information about birth control, much less birth control itself. See? Getting preggers or an STI is a consequence of liberal education. It’s not a punishment. It’s a gift. Posted by Owen at 0658 hrs
Politics + Politics - General

Complaint That Butler Received Illegal Corporate Contributions

Monsignor Dad29 is all over this Butler complaint:

Seems that the law offices of Finerty, Friebert, and St. John (a corporation) were also the offices of Louis Butler’s campaign. That’s easy to understand; FFStJ is the Democrat Party in law practice and has been for years; they’re well-organized, they have outstanding legal secretaries who are meticulous, they keep records well, etc., etc.

So if you’re going to have someone maintain documents, track ins/outs of donations and payments, why not friendly professionals? Especially if they do all that stuff for free?

Bob “D’oh” Dohnal will tell you “why not”: Wis. Stat. 11.38(1), which forbids, absolutely, and without reserve, ANY corporate contributions to ANY candidate for office in the State of Wisconsin, unless of course they are filtered through third-party interest groups like Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce, then it’s OK and even welcomed, because corporate interests are in everyone’s best interest.

To make matters more interesting, it seems that Louis Butler did not recuse himself when hearing cases brought to SCOWI by Finerty, Friebert & St.John--nor did he mention that they were maintaining his campaign HQ (and so forth) without recompense. Dohnal suggests that SCR 66.02 and 66.03 of the Wisconsin Judicial Code of Ethics address that. Negatively.

Read the complaint here. I’m puzzled. I thought that it was Gableman who was in the pocket of corporate Wisconsin.  That’s what he told us when we were out drinking, and he had no reason to lie. All of those ads must be confusing me, what with all the mud flying around. This sounds like it comes dangerously close to violating campaign laws. The timing of this can’t be good for Butler, either. According to Dohnal, “Its Almst lykE soomone plannted it that wayy!”

Posted by Owen at 0748 hrs
Law + Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

Liberals Get Their Wish

Phel is moving downtown… but not by choice. 

It’s very simple. I can no longer afford to live in the wonderful duplex that I live in. It’s all due to energy prices. Therefore, unless I want to live paycheck to paycheck and not save or invest in my future, I have to move closer to work. Ah yes, the liberal dream come true. Raise the cost of energy so much that people MUST downsize and walk or bike wherever it is they have to go. In all honesty, I am rather excited about moving downtown. But I wish I had more choice in the matter. As it is right now, my energy costs exceed $400 a month. This is between heat, cooking gas, and gas for my small car. That’s pretty excessive for a single woman who doesn’t eat much and has few and basic needs.

I know that this is a hard choice for Phelony.  I would also emphasize the hardship that these choices put on families.  Think of the children! For example, we are loath to make our kids change schools.  It’s costing more and more for me to commute, but the personal value we put in keeping our kids in their school and circle of friends outweighs that cost… for now.  The glib notion of some liberals that jacking up energy costs will force people to lead more “earth friendly” “lifestyles” has “costs” beyond that of a “barrel of oil”.  Let’s follow the logic: We can clearly blame today’s economy on the Democrats. All the trouble in the years to come is clearly their fault. It’s going to take some time to practice these talking points, but we’ll need them if Barack is elected. I mean, the Democrats approved this war, didn’t they? And let’s not forget to point fingers at our not-quite-conservative-enough President Bush, as well as the terrorists, and the gays who wanted to get married. Al Gore dreamed of increasing the price of oil and now he’s got his wish, and it means Phelony can’t choose to have a house all to herself. Perhaps in a smaller apartment, she can choose to eat more often. Or maybe she could choose a male friend, get married, and then share expenses, like Wendy and I do. Please note that this situation is completely different than the rising costs of family health care, though. You can always “choose” a different plan at a different employer.

Posted by Owen at 2127 hrs
Off-Duty + Politics + Politics - General

WEAC Launches Attack Ad Against Gableman

WEAC is getting in on the supreme court race.

A new player in the race is the Wisconsin Education Association Council, the state’s largest teacher’s union, which is aiming to neutralize the issue of law enforcement, something Gableman has been playing up as a strengths over Butler. Gableman was a District Attorney in Ashland County and magically appointed by former Gov. McCallum without even applying for a judgeship, while Butler was a CRIMINAL DEFENSE LAWYER before becoming a municipal and circuit court judge in Milwaukee.

“Imagine, a sexual predator attacks a young girl, then forces her to watch the attack on video,” the ad says, over pictures of actors re-enacting the scenario. “Judge Michael Gableman said this criminal only had to spend one year in jail.”

The ad goes on to say Gableman went easy on another child sexual predator, giving him “a fraction of the jail time” to which he was eligible. Online court records show he was given a sentence of five years and six months in prison, as well as seven years of extended supervision.

“Judge Michael Gableman, protecting criminals, not Wisconsin families,” the ad concludes.

I wonder if all of those anti-special interest people will be out there denouncing WEAC now. These guys are total newbies at this game. If they’re going to spend the big bucks on ads like this, at the very least the ads should contain some blatant falsehood or juxtapose the opponent with scary criminal mug shots, like the ads run by the Corporate Friends of Gableman. That’s the whole point of these ads, isn’t it? Throw some muck that’ll take time and effort for the other side to defend and take time away from their explanations of technicalities like years of experience or an awareness of legal matters. But you’ve got to give them a small amount of credit, though, at least they’re using the “tough on crime” approach that polls well with the under-educated masses who think that the Supreme Court spends its days sentencing criminals! Nyuk, nyuk! Don’t fret, friends - we’re still out-spending Butler’s friends by an order of magnitude, at least.

Posted by Owen at 1722 hrs
Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

A chance for change

My column for the West Bend Daily News is online.  It’s called, ”A chance for change.” I take a look at West Bend’s races for mayor, alderman, and a couple of other things. 

One thing that won’t change? I’ll do my best to make every single race as partisan as possible, right down to City Council races! In my view, it’s not a strong opinion until I’ve declared someone a liberal and all that entails. “Not this time"? Are you kidding? Every time!

Posted by Owen at 1702 hrs
Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

Butler Spent Taxpayer Dollars to Try to Enable More Frivolous Appeals

Louis Butler’s campaign recently suggested that Butler earned the nickname “Loophole Louie” as a criminal defense lawyer because his colleagues admired him for unwavering devotion to the law. 

But was it really his dedication his colleagues admired, or rather the unlimited resources Butler had as a state Public Defender to pursue appeals regardless of the potential for success?  Let’s follow the logic: Clearly it’s the latter, as I imply.

In one instance, Butler took a case he knew to be wholly frivolous all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court just to prove a point and to spend some of my money and your money. Those lawyers, always proving points with our money, as if the government has an interest in insuring everyone has a swing at bat! Those defense attorneys don’t do anything but defend the guilty criminals. How hard is it to see they’re guilty?

In his staunch defense of Ellis T. McCoy, who was convicted of the kidnapping and sexual assault of a child, Butler used taxpayer funds to argue that taxpayer-funded lawyers should not have to tell the court why they believe their client’s appeal is frivolous. In the end, Louis Butler lost his own frivolous appeal when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruling.  Even the U.S. Supreme Court is all about the frivolous time-wasting cases! Unfortunately it was the Wisconsin taxpayers who had to pick up the tab. Can you imagine? I’m so tired of all these frivolous jobs at the Capitol, all the way to the top! I bet someone can figure out a way to privatize our Supreme Court. After all, a corporation could probably do a better job of interpreting the Constitutions.

For now, we’ll have to make do with the current system. The Right Candidate for the job, a drinking buddy of mine named Gableman, has listened to my beer-fueled inspiration like the above. He’s announced that instead of using taxpayer money for his salary and expenses, he’ll accept corporate sponsorships. Portions of his robe will be auctioned off to the highest bidders, much like NASCAR drivers. WMC has the highest bid (so far) for the prized right shoulder spot, and the Federalist Society and Americans for Prosperity are neck-and-neck for the “other” side, as Gableman’s auctioneer puts it, not wanting to associate the non-right side with the left. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce may get to pick the color of the robe and have their name embroidered along all the trim. I hear there’s an insurance industry lobbying group who wants the back patch. It’s not prime, as you only see it when he’s leaving, but it’s a big spread.

(0) Comments

Posted by Owen at 0612 hrs
Law + Politics + Politics - Wisconsin

Typical White Person Sentences

What a stunning statement by Obama.

The point I was making was not that grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn’t. But she is a typical white person, who, if she sees somebody on the street that she doesn’t know, you know, there’s a reaction that’s been bred in our experiences that don’t go away and that sometimes come out in the wrong way, and that’s just the nature of race in our society. We have to break through it, and what makes me optimistic is you see each generation feeling a little less like that, and that’s powerful stuff.

Wow.  Let’s deconstruct that a bit, shall we?

“she is a typical white person”

Talk about your racial generalizations, especially when we’ve “deconstructed” this sentence bit by bit until we reach a phrase we can riff on without regard to the rest. (That, my friends with day jobs that allow blogging, is the essence of deconstruction, a word I heard in college, but never really studied, but I know when I can use it in a sentence.) Imagine Bush saying “he’s a typical brush-cutting person.” He’d be skewered by the Lefties, saying he’s a white man of privilege who touts his sawing abilities to reassure everyone he’s a regular guy.  “How racist,” they’d say, “that he’s pretending to be a regular working guy to reassure other white guys.” Obama seems to be channeling his racist pastor. I know, because I’ve seen the soundbites on Fox! There’s no point in examining any context of these six-year-old videos. Let’s follow the logic: We can rely on Fox to distill the “facts” into short segments to fuel our favorite commentators.

“if she sees somebody on the street that she doesn’t know, you know, there’s a reaction that’s been bred in our experiences that don’t go away”

What!?!?  By “somebody” he must mean “black people” because they’re the natural boogey-man. Everybody knows that, even Obama-Hussein-mama-ding-dong. Obama is suggesting that his grandma reacts negatively to only black people whom she sees on the street, but he doesn’t actually say it. So tricky! There’s the real heart of deconstruction, finding things in the text that aren’t really there! In other words, he’s saying that his grandma, who is a “typical white person,” is inherently racist. Never mind that he says this is wrong - we can ignore that fragment for now. Perhaps he’s secretly meaning that it’s right? Did you ever think of that? I did. What does Obama know about his grandmother, and why can we trust anything he says about her? We can’t. It’s clear he wants to sell her down the river, which is another fine way of saying he’s a racist, not unlike any past slave-owner - and that’s not racist, that’s just history. Again, he seems to be channeling his racist pastor in the assumption that a “typical white person” is a racist.

Personally, I’m offended by that.  I’m offended that someone who wants to lead this nation thinks that a huge portion of the population is a bunch of racists.  I’m very sensitive to the thoughts of those who lead our nation, especially well-known intellectuals like George W. Bush. How can we expect this man to lead us when every time he sees a “grandmother” he sees a racist?  What makes him think that locking our doors or crossing the street when we see a young black man makes us a racist? What makes him think it’s insensitive to make retard jokes? What makes him think that it’s racist to eat ribs at Applebee’s instead of Speed Queen BBQ? We just feel more comfortable there and at Chili’s, as we feel more comfortable living on a cul-de-sac in West Bend. What makes him think that it’s not OK to assume that all turban-wearing folks must be potential terrorists in need of some combination of killing, detention or salvation? I mean, who else is threatening our way of life? What makes him think that we want the right to carry concealed weapons because we’re scared in certain parts of town? So what if almost all of the visitors to Boots and Kittens are as white as the driven snow? We don’t see race, but we’re experts at spotting racism! (P.S. Wendy loves it when I sing the Chili’s “Baby Back Ribs” song!!! She says I’ve got “soul”.)

Posted by Owen at 1951 hrs
Politics + Politics - General

Queen

My favorite Queen song… Or should I say “our song"? Owen and I played a lot of Queen when we were living together in college. It was a great “pressure reliever.” Freddie Mercury, now there’s a Man’s Man, if you know what I mean! He could really wear the leather like he meant it. Great boots, too! I'm not kidding, but Wendy says "Fat Bottomed Girls is my favorite."

But, since it’s a duet, I’ll pick one more.  Coming from a little deeper in the discography, my favorite Queen-only song…

Posted by Jed at 0700 hrs