Twelve

I admit it… I’ve always been a bit partial to #12. Here's a great picture of his attributes, if you know what I mean. I've got another picture of him on my office wall wearing a great set of boots. It's a lot like this pic, except bettered by the boots.

First Time for Everything

At the ripe age of 33, I had never broken a bone.  Well, unless you count the skull.  I cracked my head pretty good a few times.  I credit my strong bones with drinking an inordinate amount of milk.  Follow the logic: While growing up, my brother and I would go through 8 or more gallons of milk a week.  Even today, I welcome every day with a tall glass or two of cold refreshing milk.  Yummy.  It's about the same price as gasoline.

In any case, despite being an active child… despite doing things like skiing, sky diving, motorcycle riding, bareback riding, sand sailing, and on and on and on… I had never broken a bone.  Until this week. 

And how did I do it?  Did I break a bone doing something cool?  No.  I dropped a big bottle of EVOO on my toe.  Now it’s all messed up and a bruise has spread half way up my foot.  Fun.  Can't wear my boots. I plan to sue Rachel Ray.

I taped it to the neighboring toe so that it heals straight.  I didn’t bother with the doctor.  I’m not going to pay hundreds of dollars for him to tell me to tape it to the other toe and take a Tylenol.  See? Our health care system is doing just fine, thank you, if we'd all just act like men about it.

All the Technology In the World Can’t Defeat Human Stupidity

Wow.  The average IT guy in the private sector would be fired for something like this. 

The Internet outage that shut state Web sites for 90 minutes today was brought on by the state itself. State computer workers intended to to block some “questionable” communications and inadvertently halted almost all communication, according to Oskar Anderson, the state’s chief information officer. The action shut down most state Web sites and cut off e-mail for up to 35,000 state workers, Anderson said in a brief statement. His statement did not describe what material the state was trying to block. The affected Web sites were not available from about 12:30 to 2 p.m. They included the home pages for state agencies and the Legislature and the Web site that allows people to check court records online.

GOP Convention 2008

As some of you might remember, I am a credentialed blogger for the Republican National Convention.  Unfortunately, due to some other obligations and the expense of attending, I will only be attending the final two days of the convention.  I thought about asking the kind readers of this blog for money to pay my way, but decided against it.  So… look for wall to wall coverage of the convention on September 3rd and 4th!  It will be fun to see the rest of Minneapolis. I've been in the airport a few times on lay-overs. Great bathrooms, but I've never seen the rest of the city.

Overheard While Watching the Olympics

"OMG!  She has eyebrow muffin top!” - Wendy

“You know why Phelps rocks?  Because he keeps his hair.  He doesn’t look like some freak science experiment or a TV anchor woman ” - Wendy

“She tattooed his number on his back?  Obsessive much?” - Wendy

“Wow.  She’s going to kick some ass.” - Owen

“Dum-du-dum-de-dum.  I had my brain sucked out so I could swim faster. He's got a purty mouth, though.” - Owen

“Did you ever notice that swimmers’ nipples are unusually dark? I do. ” - Owen

“Dude’s wearing a girls’ cheerleading outfit. Looks kinda cute!” - Owen

“That’s an unfortunate close-up.” - Owen

“The silver medal is pretty cool.  Looks like a Krispy Creme.” - Owen

Brad Paisley: I’m Still a Guy

I’ve had this in my head for days. 

When you see a deer
You see Bambi
And I see antlers up on the wall
When you see a lake
You think picnics
And I see a mouth up under the log
You’re probably thinking that you’re gonna change me
In some ways well, maybe you might
Scrub me down dress me up
But no matter what
Remember I’m still a guy

When you see a priceless French painting
I see a drunk naked girl
You think that wearing these boots sounds crazy
And I’d like to give 'em a whirl
Love makes a man do some things he ain’t proud of
And in a weak moment I might wear jodphurs
Admire a purse at the mall
But remember I’m still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around
Knock some jerk to the ground
‘Cause he made fun of my boots on the sly

I can hear you now talking to your friends
Saying yeah, girls, he’s come a long way
From shackin' up in college and dancing in clubs
And playing with guns in a cave
But when you say a backrub means only a backrub
Then you swat my hand when I try
Well now what can I say at the end of the day
Honey, I’m still a guy

And I’ll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around
Knock some jerk to the ground
‘Cause he made fun of my boots on the sly

These days there’s dudes getting facials
Shaved, waxed and botoxed
But with dreamy spray-on tans and creamy lotioney hands
They can’t grip my tackle box
With all of these men lining up to get married
It’s hip now to be feminized I might trim some of my hair
I’ve still got a pair
Yeah, honey I’m still a guy's guy

My eyebrows ain’t plucked
Theres a gun in my truck
Thank God I’m still a guy

Democrats’ Failed Energy Policies

While accurate, I don’t think that this meme is entirely fair.  It’s true that gas prices have gone up dramatically under the Democrat-run Congress, but that is primarily driven by the cost of crude.  The cost of crude is being driven up for a lot of reasons, only some of which are the result of American policy, and even fewer of which I'm willing to admit here in front of other Republicans.  So it’s not fair to blame the Democrats for the increase in the price of gas. That's why I'll post this PhotoShopped caricature of Pelosi that pretty much blames the Democrats for something. The average reader will take a look at this and know how to react.

That being said, it IS fair to blame the Democrats for doing nothing to help counterbalance the other factors that are driving up the cost of crude.  See, interference in markets is a valuable part of economic theory, when it can be applied to Democrats. They have not done anything to increase supply.  Totally their fault. They have not done anything to decrease demand.  Totally their fault. They have done nothing but sit on their rumps and bitch about the war.  Their inaction is their folly, unlike the war in Iraq, which is working out pretty good to affect prices of many goods. The other day on the phone Wendy told me the prices in the grocery store have risen, and I heard something very similar on the radio while driving from Milwaukee to Dallas the other day. I listen to the radio while driving. Do you? Interesting!

Furthermore, it is also fair to blame the Democratic Congress for doing nothing to shield America from its dependence on the global market by making America more self-sufficient.  By "self-sufficient", of course I'm still talking about using lots of oil. Does it mean anything else? If America increased its domestic oil production enough to provide for America’s needs, then the price of oil wouldn’t matter so much.  It's not like any international oil company would be tempted to sell oil elsewhere if the price was higher, if they could sell it to their friends here! Yes, domestic companies would have to make the choice to sell the oil domestically or export it, but at least America would be able to provide for our own needs.  I say so. So mote it be.

The Democrats need to realize that the oil companies are not evil.  If they had more oil here, they wouldn't sell it to the highest bidder! They'd keep the price nice and low, even if demand increases in the land of the red, white and blue. They provide a resource that is vital to our economy.  Yes, we need to diversify our energy portfolio with alternative means of energy (including oil, gasoline, oil-based diesel and lighter fluid), but we also need to properly manage our oil resources. By "manage" I mean that the oil companies would be able to continue to harvest their profits from our public lands and waters as if they owned them. It's not like this is something the government could pay someone to extract for the public good. Follow the logic: the public good has to be filtered through the oil companies, because they're our friends.

And… this is the height of hypocrisy. I mean, if you hear it on Glenn Beck's show, it pretty much has to be true:

The DNC would like to save money for their convention and so they have decided that they’re going to buy it from the State gas pumps.  You know where the police officers and State troopers and everybody else, you know, the snow removal trucks, where they gas up.  The DNC has struck a deal that they can gas their cars up during the convention and they’ve already started this, to avoid the $0.40 a gallon gas tax.  From the same people who said the gas tax won’t make any difference, the gas tax means nothing.

That’s How It’s Supposed to Work

I object to the interpretation of the reporter.

Congress is locked in a partisan dispute over energy legislation that has produced plenty of combustible debate but is unlikely to produce a bill to help lower gas prices anytime soon. [...] As the legislative process breaks down…

The legislative process is not breaking down.  This IS the legislative process.  You know… the one where we let the lobbyists write the drafts of the law, toot the trumpets for the Astroturf pseudo-grassroots groups hired by the lobbyists, debate the issue a little, abide by the rules and use a few heart-warming archaic phrases like "forsooth", and try to come to some sort of agreement as to the best course of action by holding our breath and insisting that we won't raise taxes at the local level to help block the pain at the Federal level, assist the votes based on how much money the lobbyists have spread around to the legislators, with the money correlated as a measurement of their value to the party, and then finally the aides to the elected are recruited for new jobs in industries connected to the lobbyists and the whole process can begin again.  The entire legislative process is not encompassed in the passage of bills and the activity taking place in the Congress is not at all an indication that anything is breaking down.  Money talks.

Man Shoots Lawn Mower

What an idiot.  Machines don't have feelings! We can have feelings for machines, like guns, but do they love us back except in our minds?

A 57-year-old south side man, who might have been struggling with a hangover, is charged today with shooting his lawn mower with a sawed-off shotgun. “I’ll tell you the truth,” a criminal complaint quotes an apparently inebriated Keith Walendowski. “I got pissed because my lawn mower wouldn’t start, so I got my shotgun and shot it. “I can do that. It’s my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want,” Walendowski told police. Ignorance of the law, however, is not a legal defense. Walendowski is charged with a felony count of possessing a short-barreled shotgun and a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct while armed. If convicted of both charges, he faces up to six years and nine months in prison.

But this really bothers me:

Police recovered the shotgun, shells, a handgun, rounds for the handgun and a stun gun.

I can understand confiscating the shotgun because it’s evidence in connection with the alleged commission of a crime, but why did the police confiscate the handgun, handgun ammunition, and stun gun?  Like the guy was crazy or something? Follow the logic: He only wanted to harm motorized lawn equipment, not people. That much should be obvious. Since I presume that they confiscated them after he was in custody and was of no threat to them, why did they do it?  Doesn't everyone have an illegal stun gun laying around, just in case? I’d be majorly ticked off if I was arrested for shooting my lawnmover and they confiscated all of my guns.  Watch out, law enforcement! You don't want to mess with me when I'm ticked off, overheated and slightly buzzed. And does he have to wait until his case is over before he can get the handgun back? Hasn't everyone thought about shooting their lawn mower sometimes?

Perhaps some of our lawyer and law enforcement readers can enlighten me.  No, really. I'm serious. Stop looking at me like I'm a owl. I'm an idiot? No, your an idiot.

Hot Air Tour Tomorrow At Miller Park

Don’t forget to register!

Attend the Milwaukee, WI stop of Americans for Prosperity’s nationwide Hot Air Balloon Tour and 2nd Annual Taxpayer Tailgate at the Parking lot of the AFP-WI office, 1126 S. 70th St., West Allis. We invite you and your entire family to come out for our event, which will include a Brewers game ticket, music, food, t-shirts, and free tethered hot air balloon rides (weather permitting). At our event you will also learn about the serious threat global warming alarmism poses to our prosperity, including legislation being considered by Congress that would more than double gasoline prices.

The "hot air" refers to the balloon, not what AFP has to say.

Obama Decides Not to See Wounded Soldiers

Nice. And by "nice" I mean not nice. Can't everyone see that Obama is not nice? He doesn't care about the wounded troops. He no doubt hates America and all it stands for, including the freedom to send volunteers to Iraq to be wounded.

Sen. Barack Obama scrapped plans to visit wounded members of the armed forces in Germany as part of his overseas trip, a decision his campaign said was made because the Democratic presidential candidate thought it would be inappropriate on a campaign-funded journey. A campaign adviser said the U.S. military saw the visit as a campaign stop.

Obama could have actually left the press outside and spent a little time with the troops, but I guess that was too much to ask.  So uncaring, unlike the President who sent them there - he cares. He's the Carer, unlike some Democrats I know. It seems like only yesterday when we were complaining that Obama wouldn't visit Iraq. Now that he's there, we're left with complaining that he didn't visit certain troops even though he visited other troops. These Dems are hilarious. I bet if we told him he wasn't nice because he wasn't whistling Dixie whilst standing on one leg to entertain the troops, he'd do that, too. We could keep him going for hours.

Because Milwaukee Needs More Crappy News

Tim Cuprisin brings us this little tidbit:

Beginning September 8, we will begin our afternoon news at 3 p.m. with a new hour of news, weather and information. “Live at 3” will be anchored by George Mallet, Courtny Gerrish and weather with Brian Gotter. [...] The 3 o’clock news is in addition to the new half-hour of news that we’re adding at 6:30 p.m. effective August 25, as was previously announced. This means TODAY’S TMJ4 will provide news from 3 p.m. – 7 p.m., weekdays.

Why?  So they can report more murders of thugs by thugs?  So we can cringe more at the blond anchor lady’s unfortunate bangs?  Isn't her hairdo just hellish? What is that woman thinking? So we can witness more witty banter between the new folks?  So they can just stop with the overdone “Breaking News” break-ins and just have the news on all the time?  Who do they think they are, Fox News? Why do I have to keep watching this news, over and over, every afternoon just to dull the monotony? Every day, make lunch, put it in the dishwasher, off to the park, then home again to the TV and the same crappy news and her bangs! Her bangs! Her bangs! What is with this woman's hairdo? Don't these people have anything better to do with their day?

That’s a lot of news.

Court Rules in Favour of Mosley

Well. I wonder what kind of boots he was wearing. I bet they were shiny.

Mosley, the 68-year-old president of the International Automobile Federation, won £60,000 ($120,000) in damages from the tabloid News of the World for a report about Mosley’s sex session with five prostitutes. One of the women secretly filmed the bondage and caning encounter, which featured some of the participants in prison-style uniforms and was said by the newspaper to have a Nazi theme. However, the High Court judge ruled that there was “no public interest or other justification” for the publication of the pictures and the story, and he also dismissed the paper’s suggestion that there were Nazi overtones to the session. Mosley, the son of fascist pro-Hitler British politician Oswald Mosley, welcomed the ruling as proof that his sexual behavior is a private matter. “I hope that my case will help deter newspapers in the U.K. from pursuing this type of invasive and salacious journalism,” he said.

Patrick Assaulted By Some Thugs

Patrick had some trouble and gave us another opportunity to use the word "thug" as well as inflating petty vandalism and theft into "assault", not unlike the size of the fish I caught last weekend up north.

I have some teenage (12-14ish) punks that were scared away from my house yesterday by a friend. They were trying to break apart my stockade fence that covers my back yard. Well, today, they came back, this time they did rip up the fence a bit, but still couldn’t get through, so two of them knocked on my front door asking if they could trim my bushed for $5, while two others went around the back of my house and stole a big 55 gal. fish tank that I had next to my garage.

Luckily my buddy came to my rescue again and called telling me those punks were walking down the street with that big fish tank, so we jumped in my car and tore off after them. That tank is heavy so they only made it about three blocks. I expected them to drop it, but they sat it down gently. When we got out of the car, one punk said that ’some man” told him no one lived there (my house) and they could have the fish tank. That of course didn’t hold water, remember, two of them came to my front door. When they were ready to just give it back and walk away, I told them to stick around, the cops were already on the way. This of course made them take off running, but not before the tallest one called one of them “Lil Tone” and gave him a sign. So I assume one is names Tony or Anthony. One of the others was recognized by my friend to be a kid that has been around the neighborhood on the back of a red mini-bike, so they will be around.

Sorry, but if I were Patrick, I would have answered the door with shotgun in hand, a few curse words, and wild-ass crazy eyes.  If that didn’t work, I’d unlock my safety and call 911. 

Patrick, West Bend has some reasonable home prices and a low crime rate, meaning we don't have a lot of "thugs" if you know what I mean.  Come join us at the compound.